You think I’m not a g o d d e s s ?
I just had the horrifying realization that as of this month my brother is old enough to take driver’s ed.
He’s currently sitting on the couch holding his arms above his head and wailing like a strangled Canada goose because he’s trying to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” in falsetto and I have never wanted anybody to stay farther away from a moving vehicle in my life.
- Obtain a significant other from a country that doesn’t sell Toaster Strudel
- Marry them and start a family
- Offer to make your fam breakfast every morning
- Make them strudel with no icing
- They’ll have no idea Toaster Strudel even come with icing
- Take all six packets for yourself
- Avoid making eye contact with your reflection in the mirror for the rest of your life because you are a monster
I had to listen to a group of straight kids talk about “pretending to be gay” so they could get a disneyland discount and how “people would be SO OFFENDED if there was a straight day how fucked up is that” this morning
THIS DOESNT MATCH MY BLOG BUT THIS IS THE REALIST SHIT IVE HEARD SINCE FRIED OREOS